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*BLINK*

No. Really. I wanted to send this out just in case I go into catatonic shock. I know everything will either get better or...just completely quit. I highly expect to wake up every morning to the sounds of explosions or gunfire or the end of civilization. So far, none of that has happened and the only sound I'm waking up to is a lawnmower. *yawn* But, that's not the point. The question is do I have the ability to change a fundamental basic about myself? I don't know. I want to have it. The truth is I don't think that I do. I do not like change. I am the queen bitch of kicking and screaming against change when change happens (especially, if I can't control that change). Going to begin to attempt this (along with some other things, I have been gradually doing). So, if it fails, if *I* fail, at least I have a little blip that I tried. I don't feel like trying, though. But the need to be free of everyone's expectations and to be free to do what I want has gone beyond something I can just deal with and has turned into something that if I don't fix now, I'll end up in a home, drooling on myself. Because it drove me crazy.

So, today we begin...what? A cleansing? (It is possible I'll pretend to be Zelda Rubenstein for the rest of the day, now that I've thought of "cleaning" my house) I don't know, but I'll try and try again If I have to.

Never give up, never surrender.

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redhoneysky
Jill Usrey

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